We train Nonviolent Communication (M. Rosenberg)
Based on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) we design training that focuses on connection, commitment and efficiency.
Participants learn about essential aspects of verbal and non-verbal language, experience support to express themselves clearly and learn to understand others, even if they are less clear.
Nonviolent Communication is a communication concept developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg in the early 1960s due to the American civil rights movements he dealt with and engaged in.
NVC is based on the attitude of respectful interaction between people. It supports people in improving the flow of communication and helps to facilitate peaceful solutions to conflicts in all human spheres. Here, the empathy that Rosenberg regards as the basic prerequisite for successful communication plays the most important role. He believes that the way we communicate with each other is crucial to our willingness to develop empathy and fulfill our needs.
The non-judgmental and honest interaction in Nonviolent Communication addresses the needs and feelings behind actions and conflicts.
What can I see, hear, smell, taste, touch with my senses? If we formulate an observation free of evaluation, then this is an important condition that our interlocutor does not immediately go into resistance. If our counterpart contradicts us, it makes sense to think about whether we have actually named an observation.
Emotions are indicators of whether our needs are met or not met. We should always remember that no one can make us emotions. Our feelings are neither good nor bad.
All feelings are for our protection and call us to action. Fear protects us from physical or mental harm. Shame reminds us of our basic need of belonging. Disgust saves us from dangerous food ...
All people have the same needs - but often not at the same time. Needs can be met in many ways, though we often have a favorite strategy to meet a need. The fulfillment of a need is independent of a particular person.
And sometimes it is necessary to grieve if the favorite strategy is not possible at the moment. Then we can think about what our 2nd best strategy could be ...
A request differs from a claim in that a "no" can be accepted. Requests should be very concrete and formulated for the present moment. Only in the "now" can our interlocutor act. In addition, it is very helpful if we formulate our request positively, i. we say what we want and not what we do not want. This enormously increases the likelihood that we will fulfill our need.
In NVC, we distinguish between four ways of responding to an elusive utterance of another.
The first two options are usually very common to us: Blame others or blame ourselves. As a rule, these reaction patterns do not contribute to generating a constructive discussion climate.
An emphatic attitude, with myself and the other, helps to defuse the situation and to create a basis for discussion in which the fulfillment of needs and interests becomes possible again.
an important personal decision (separation? termination? change of location? change for health reasons?)
the desire for a new perspective (in the partnership, in the job, in the team at work or in the sports club)
dissatisfaction with how to deal with others (culture of controversy, parlance, distribution of tasks, bullying, sincerity)
a crisis situation (job loss, sudden serious illness, multiple burdens, burnout, changes in the family situation such as birth, removal of children, retirement)
depressive phases (recurring pain or distressing past events)
The emphatically accompaniment is in addition to the dispute resolution in case of conflict, another helpful method of nonviolent communication. In contrast to mediation, it is very well suited for individuals, but can also be used as a clarification method for two-person relationships, groups or teams.
In sensitive (empathically) contact, the coach helps you to gain access to your feelings, alone or together, to what is alive in you and to gain clarity about your concerns. On the basis of this clarification, you develop your own solutions independently and as a result have a concrete action plan fixed in writing. You experience that you can find your way to inner balance and strength yourself.
In depressive phases, Empathically Accompaniment helps you recognize and accept the unfulfilled needs that have led to the painful experiences. You can direct your energy back to the present.
This procedure leads to relief, change of perspective, relaxation and new enjoyment of life.
This process is useful in all situations where we are angry with others or ourselves. He helps to get step by step access to the underlying feelings and unfulfilled needs.
It is important to leave enough room for the judgments and assessments. Many people believe that NVC practitioners are not allowed to have judgments and that ratings are undesirable. I do not share this idea.
We humans need judgments and evaluations so that we can orient ourselves more easily. To train this off would take us an important reaction. However, it would be helpful if we were nevertheless aware that our thoughts and judgments are created by ourselves. Nobody else is responsible for it.
In the "difficult" situations, it is in our hands to question the judgments and find out what they stand for. Which needs are not fulfilled right now? And what is my feeling when this need is not met?
With the annoyance and debt process we can answer exactly these questions and become actionable again in order to find viable solutions that can meet the needs of all.
Our inner critics are our constant companions. There we should do this or we should refrain from the other ... Again and again we experience situations that often keep us busy for a long time because we somehow feel guilty.
In Nonviolent Communication, we assume that we try to fulfill our needs with every action.
With the help of the guilt process we can find out which needs were missed due to our decision and can mourn this.
At the same time we find out what good reasons we had when we decided to act.
In our lives, we often develop beliefs that have helped us a lot at one point in time but hinder us today. There are voices in us that say, "You have to be very quiet to be liked" or "real men do not cry" or "I have to be humble".
With the help of the Servant-Processes we shed light on the often contradictory intentions of these statements. We can connect with the intention and the good reasons for their existence and accept with compassion.
With acceptance and openness, we find solutions that meet the needs of yesterday and today.
When we are connected to longing and our needs, we can also develop options for action that help to resolve or at least mitigate guilt.
With this we can regain our power and use it for areas that serve life more than being caught in guilt.